Yesterday 18th September 2015

Today I woke up at 6.45 am, I had a headache. Lost is my motivation, bounce and optimism. I am fed-up. My usual morning chores are done without enthusiasm.

Children roused.

My morning check on my mum – she was awake so I got her a glass of water, raised her bed and gave her a drink, I put on her TV and then went to encourage my guys to get ready for school – they left at 8 am.

I started preparing my mums clothes, incontinence pads and creams, for the carer arriving at 9 am. Time for a ‘cuppa’ tea. It feels great to get ten minutes to relax after the children leave and before the carer comes –  this is new as previously the carer arrived as the children left – that was torture.

9 am the carer arrives, mum is showered and dressed. 9,45 am the carer leaves. I give my mum breakfast and a cup of tea, brushed her hair and brushed her teeth. 10.30 am the taxi lady arrives. I explain to her the circumstances surrounding my mum’s perceived arrears and the charge that my is now being asked to pay and explain that my mum will be unable to attend the day care centre from Monday next week as she cannot afford to pay the weekly charge for the transport.

Mum and the taxi driver have now left, time for me to get ready – I cannot be bothered – I have a cup of coffee. Now it is 11.45.

I contact the day care centre and explain my mum’s situation and tell them that from Monday my mum will not be able to attend the day care centre. The lady who works at the day care centre feels very annoyed about this and feels that it is extremely unfair to my mum and me. She said that everyone else gets transport to the day care centre for free and she cannot understand why its different for my mum. She further explains to me that my mum gets lots out of the day care centre and states that she gets involved in the activities, laughs and interacts with others. I explain to her that my mum is on the same benefits as every other person living in poverty and that the cost of buying disposable gloves, disposable aprons, new bedding, new clothes, fuel for heat and organic food etc… is high and that we simply cannot afford to pay the charge.

I also say that between my children and myself we could attempt to get my mum in my car but it would be a high risk to my mum and also extremely undignified for her, as she cannot follow instructions, therefore, you basically would have to try and bend her body, whilst turning her round, to get her seated in my car and if we done this it would have to be before 8 am as my children would need to leave at 8 am to get on their school bus and that was based on whether my mum was able to stand in a balanced way or not.

The lady from the day care centre said that she is at the day care centre at 8.30 am and that she would help me get my mum out when i arrived. What a lovely lady to offer to do that, because she would be putting herself at risk as well – although not overweight, there is a lot of pressure put on a person’s back when manouvering my mum in such away.

This is not an option.

How depressing, how unfair –  A person with Alzheimer’s benefits so much from interaction with others – I do not understand why this service is getting taken away from my mum.

When my mum was in a care home for a period of time I visited her on a daily basis, arriving in the morning and staying with her until the early evening. Each day I heard a lady consistently wailing. This lady appeared not to have visitors and there appeared to be very little interaction with her from the staff – I often wondered if the lack of interaction caused her to deteriorate in such a way.

“Right” I tell myself get a move on! I get changed and begin hand washing our clothes. It is now 12.30,

I have had no breakfast yet, its time for lunch and there is only 3 hours left until my mum and my children return home. I have four black bags of washing. Time passes fast.

I have lunch and I start washing it is now 1pm – two and a half hours until everyone comes home.

My phone ‘pings’, I have a message. I check. Excellent a meeting has been arranged with my local MP, an hours drive away and at the end of this month – GREAT – plenty of time for me to prepare but potentially lots of lost time for my mum at the day care centre. This makes me think about the negative impact that change has on a person with Alzheimer’s and how this will affect my mum.

Back to my washing, my head is still sore (frontal lobe – it must be stress)

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..time rolls on, my hands are sore, one bag done I can do no more.

3pm – half an hour until my mum gets home. I quickly brush the floors, make the beds and begin to chop vegetables for dinner. The taxi arrives, my mum is home. The taxi driver explains that the daycare centre tried to cancel my mums transport, but were unable to do it as the man they spoke to said that they could not just call up and cancel contracted transport. She asked me to contact the lady at the day care centre, which I did. I told her I would just have to turn the transport away when it arrived on Monday. I then attempted to contact the transport office, however, the man I needed to speak with was away for the day.

I give up – chill I tell myself, just chill – my head is still sore (I don’t normally get headaches)

It is 4 pm I watch my children coming along the road, one swinging his bag all over the place and the other, her head down, sulky looking and scuffing her shoes on stones, as she sauntered along the road – oh! no! I am thinking “have they had a tiff”.

4.10 pm – time to change my mum’s incontinence pad. Mum’s balance has not been great the last few days. I go to the shed as this is where i keep the stand aid, I bring the stand aid into the house to help me lift my mum from her wheelchair so that I can change her. Her trousers are wet through, I wash her change her and place her comfortably in her wheelchair. Now it is 4.40 pm.

My daughter helps me make dinner and now its time for tea. Double tasking, I feed myself at the same time as feeding my mum. I could do my mum later, however, I like my mum to sit with us and eat with us, it feels closer and gives my mum important interaction and normality.

My son and daughter do the dishes, feed the dog and feed the rabbits, whilst I continue to feed my mum. Jeeze! where has the time gone, its 6.30pm. The carer will be here soon to help me wash my mum and get her pjs on. I’ve still to help my children with their homework, I have still to clean the bath from when I was doing the washing and tonight is study time (time I spend with my son helping him study for his exams) (I call this torture time) (teenagers, study and parents don’t connect well lol…… I don t know who I feel more sorry for me or him).

Mum done – head down – study time – I am bushed – bed time.

I still have a sore head.