Yesterday 26th September 2015

I am wondering what people are thinking when they are reading my blog – my blog probably sounds mundane and boring, with the same thing happening day in and day out, a bit like groundhog day.

That is the life of a carer.

If you have a small child you can pick them up and put them in their car seat and take them out and do what ever you want, or need, to do. However, when you have an adult who cannot talk, who cannot walk and who cannot follow basic instructions, you cannot just pick them up and do what you want, or need to do. It would be great if my mum had a mobility car, as then I could take my mum anywhere. Our life would be more full and I would not have to rely so much on the help of other people.

Life is not simple…..

Without the tools to get up and go your life becomes centred around your home, you can, at times, feel isolated, abandoned and extremely lonely – lucky for me I have my children to entertain me and help me. I imagine that there are some carers that do not have the distraction of children – I am one of the lucky carers.

In order for me to do anything, even a simple thing like taking my children to the park, I need to organise for someone to take over my role as a carer, which can be difficult in a rural location. That person needs to feel confident in looking after someone like my mum. Your time out is limited as you need to be back to deal with continence issues. This makes your time out rushed and stressed and not relaxing and free.

Today is Saturday, my mum does not go to the day care today – a long lie – fantastic.

I awake to a cheery voice shouting HELLO! HELLO! I rush down the stairs with my hair all over the place and my eyes half-shut – I have slept in.

Jeeze! how I hate having to wake up and go right into functioning mode – I need, at the very least, 15 minutes to get into that mode – not a great start to my day.

I go back upstairs and quickly get changed. We do the usual stuff with my mum: commode, shower and change. Time for breakfast. the time is 10.15am

My daughter and myself have a horse riding lesson today, I wake my son and ask him to feed his granny and give her tea and toast. This will give my daughter and me time to get organised for horse riding. I am feeling really guilty as I do not like asking my children to help out so much – it is not fair on them.

In saying this, they are great and always help without a word of complaint, they are fab little guys, I owe them so much, I am also glad they are older now and can manage to help out in the way that they do.

I leave my son instructions regarding what he needs to do with his granny, whilst, myself and my daughter are out.

We leave.

During the horse riding lesson, my mind is constantly thinking about home and I wonder if everything is okay. I telephone to ask if everything is okay.”Yip”! “yip”! my son says “I am fine, granny is fine, we are watching TV”.

I am still thinking about home. I telephone to ask if everything is ok. “Yip”! “yip”! my son says “I am fine, granny is fine, we are watching TV”.

My mind is still thinking about home. I telephone to ask if everything is okay. My son is getting fed-up with my calls now. “Yip”! “yip”! my son says “I am fine, granny is fine, we are watching TV, can you bring me home a bottle of coke”.

I can rise and trot – whoopee! at last! It has taken me forever to learn that skill – I hope I remember how to do it for my next lesson.

We arrive home and I check the post – still no letter regarding the outcome of the discretionary panel – why is it taking so long????? How depressing and what a worry.

I check on my mum. Why do I worry so much?

I walk my mum and then I change her pad, I do not ask my daughter to help as I want to give her a break. I use the stand aid, this always takes longer.

I am thinking about all the things I still need to do and I am wondering if I will get it all done today, if I do, I will be able to chill out tomorrow. I need to get all the school clothes washed, dried and ironed, I need to clean, I need to make dinner, I need to walk my mum, I need to finish a DIY project that I started (a few months ago), I need to have a shower, I need to write this blog (why did I even start it??), I need to make up the fire in the livingroom and I promised my daughter I would bake some cakes. Too much to do, I do not get why I give myself so much to do in a day.

I put on a washing and hang out a washing, one that I had put on earlier in the day – so much washing. I am starting to get a smell from my mum’s room – I need to clean everything in her room with Dettox – I clean it – it smells much better. I wonder what I missed during my previous cleans that made her room smell, who knows!!!

Its lunch time. I feed myself whilst I feed my mum – boy! I am looking forward to when my sister next comes, so that I can just eat by myself – such small pleasures.

I clean the rest of the house and prepare our dinner. Mostly, when I clean, I take my mum with me from room to room, I try to chat with her and keep her involved. Sometimes I wonder if she gets fed-up with this, it is hard to judge. It would be great to be able to have a conversation with her.

I take in a washing, I hang out a washing and I put another washing on.

It is dinner time. I feed myself whilst I feed my mum. My mum is not opening her mouth properly so she is only getting small amounts of food, this will take a while.

My children do the dishes and I continue to feed my mum.

The carer arrives at 6pm and we wash my mum and put on her pj’s, she has still not finished her dinner – maybe she doesn’t like the taste.

I take in a washing and hang out a washing.

I clean out the fire and put on a fire.

I am bushed it is 8pm, I am too tried to do anything else. We watch a movie and now its time for bed, I walk my mum through to her bedroom and her room is still smelling nice. I shout my daughter to help me and we change my mums pad . I sit her in her wheelchair and put on her sling we put my mum to bed, she laughs.

It is 10.00pm I sleep like a log

Until….

My daughter wakes me up – I look at the clock its 3.54pm – She says that granny is chatting and has woke her up. I put my daughter back to bed and go and check on my mum. She is fine and is lying chit chatting to herself. I get a glass of water and give my mum a drink. I make sure my mum is settled and then I check on my daughter, she is sound asleep – I go back to bed and cannot quite get to sleep.